March 26, 2013

And the letter said....

Yesterday my daughter was broken. Yesterday Alex saw her dreams dashed. Yesterday she felt all her hard work was for naught. 

Alex cried and cried and will cry every day for a long time. Disappointment is hard for all kids, particularly Alex. It takes Alex longer to get out of the now than her siblings. The next few weeks will be rough..... 


Yesterday I fell apart. I cried for all the hard work we have done to help Alex realize her dream of going to college. I cried for all the hard work I have ahead of me as we search for another college option for Alex. I cried for all the paperwork I have filled out and will have to fill out again. I cried and cried and will cry everyday for a long time.

But we are the lucky ones, we are all healthy and alive. Alex has never been brutalized like Ethan Saylor whose asphyxiation by restraint death ruled to be caused by Down syndrome and obesity. Our family will never feel the pain Ethan's family will feel for the rest of their lives. By his death Ethan will make a difference for the down syndrome community. 

And that is what we need to focus on.....



28 comments:

  1. I am crying now ... for/with you. Oh the heartache. I saw the thumbnail and yelled NO!!! The hardest part is picking our own selves up to hold our own sons/daughters. SO consider yourself held ... by all the mothers out there (and fathers ... too).

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    1. Thanks Nan, Alex has taught us hugs are healing and we have had a number of "family" hugs in the last day. It really does help while I gather my energy,

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  2. p.s. NONE of our kids should get form letters. EVER. ever.

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  3. I'm so sorry that it didn't work out. I've read all the work you and Alex put in to this effort. I will keep Alex in my thoughts and hope that something comes her way that works best for her.

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    1. Thanks Stephanie - yes it will work out - the way it is supposed to.

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  4. 15 years ago, I decided to fulfill a dream of mine and become a lawyer. I had been out of school for 7 years at that point, and nothing in my background - grades, experience, etc - suggested that I would be a good candidate for law school.

    I must have sent 25 applications to 25 law schools. Each day, I was increasingly discouraged by the rejection letters. Most of these schools sent form letters - hurtful in their own way. A couple sent "You're not Boston College material" or "Your resume doesn't show the academic achievement expected at Vanderbilt Law School" letters, which rubbed salt into the wound.

    In the end, I was accepted at only 2 law schools. One small school in Texas offered me a scholarship. I chose that school. The people I met in that school, the experiences I had, and the career path it put me on changed my life in ways that I could never have imagined.

    It made me realize that each and every one of those rejection letters was not a letter saying, "No, we don't want you", but a letter pushing me to "Find the path I am supposed to be on."

    Keep the faith, don't stop believing and, as one of my sergeants used to say in the Army, "Charge once more into the breech...next time you'll make it through".

    Peace,
    LBD

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    1. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement - I just discovered your story, so glad you are sharing!

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  5. So sorry you are going through this disappointment. I have faith that the perfect place for her is waiting around the corner.

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    1. Thanks Lisa - your words of encouragement help!

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  6. Oh I'm so sorry for both of you. *oof* But maybe where one door closes, another door opens? ((hugs)) from Ty & I

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  7. I hate tears and once mine start I too have a hard time stopping them. Hope a new opportunity presents soon.

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    1. Thanks Rachel- a new opportunity will happen it always does!

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  8. I'm so sorry for this disappointment. I know Alex was very excited about this opportunity, but I'm sure another one will present itself.

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    1. Thanks Melissa - it is nice to think about Claire's future and her ability to go to college if she chooses.

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  9. There are many schools now offering college to our kids. We have one right here, the University of Cincinnati. Would you like me to get you more information? My heart goes out to Alex. Not being accepted to a college or univ. is so hard.

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  10. Yes, it is devastating for our child to be rejected by a college, but what a NORMAL experience! There is dignity in risk! Every time you help her be like everyone else, there is the risk of hurt. It is so hard to watch our kids be hurt, but you are doing the right thing! Have you looked at the Univ of New Mexico's program? Have a couple friends who have gone there and love it.

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    1. You are right on! this is exactly how it is supposed to play out. ALL kids suffer from rejection at some point. Alex is no different.

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  11. Oh, I'm so sorry Alex didn't get in! It must feel absolutely overwhelming right now. But you are strong, and Alex is determined. You showed your strength when you compared your situation to what Ethan's family is going through. Both his family, and yours, will be in our prayers.

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    1. Thanks Cindy - yes we are a bit overwhelmed - setbacks are hard - but as you say, we are the lucky ones!

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  12. Oh, I am SO sad for Alex! For both of you. What a let-down. But Cindy's right - you're both incredibly strong and determined, and I am sure that both your perspective here and your ability to persevere and keep going will bring joy and satisfaction in the end. This is a lesson to me, something to tuck away for Sammi's future. I'm sure we'll all find ourselves in similar circumstances with similar tears over rejection letters one day.

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    1. Thanks Becca, in my dreams kids like Sammmi, if they want to go to college, will be able to. They will be able to apply to multiple colleges and may get rejections letters, but will also get letters of acceptance - because they have options!

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  13. I just found your blog, and cried a few tears along with you. I echo what Little Bird's Dad said. Sometimes the rough parts just push you closer to the path that is meant for you. Doesn't make the journey easy, but she'll end up in a place that is meant for her and be an inspiration to others, like my son, who is only still a baby. ♥

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  14. Just catching up on blogs....so sorry to hear this news. This coupled with her recent declaration of wanting to be 'normal' make my heart ache. But just reiterating others sentiments, when one door closes another one opens. Looking forward to reading about her true path. Hugs.

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