I thought about writing two separates entries about this dual topic, but have determined that in the long run the result of these new events in our lives will be similar. We will feel a huge hole in our hearts; not in a bad way, but still a hole. We are sad and going through a period of adjustment.
The first event involved Courtney leaving home, as I dropped her off at college in Philadelphia last week. She has spent all summer looking forward to this huge step in her life; her first steps towards independence. I know this is all part of the parenting thing and I really am excited for Courtney, but we are still sad. Courtney is a powerful force in our house, the classic over achiever, yet kind and considerate and a huge part of Alex’s life. She is the best sister and most awesome oldest child I can imagine.
Our second event is a bit more traumatic for us; John left earlier this week for a 4 month assignment in WI. He has been unable to make a living here in our beautiful valley and has found an opportunity to sell condominiums in a vibrant and popular area of Milwaukee. I know this is a necessary evil in our struggling economy and John is just as sad as we are about leaving, but he needs to do this. This has created an immense void in our family.
I am still not working and although have sent my résumé to about 80 places, I have had only two interviews and no job offers. I do not think my skill set is a match for our valley, which means one of us has to leave paradise, at least temporarily to support our family. John chose to leave to help support our family.
Our family of five is now three. I am a single mom and will have to manage the very diverse schedule of my two teenagers, as well as the angst of the teenage years. It will be tough, and I will maintain a brave face, but it will be hard. I do not want to be a single mom; now or ever.
As I learned last year, when we experienced the deaths of our beloved dog Lucy, our much loved grandfather and our friend Tim, things will be tough in our home for awhile. Alex will act out, cry at the most mundane things and have a sad heart. We will get through this, we always do, but I will need patience, humor and fortitude. I hope even I can learn.